asr-manpages-1.3.orig/0042755000175000017500000000000007275470651013723 5ustar covencovenasr-manpages-1.3.orig/ctluser.8fun0100644000175000017500000000571306343373406016202 0ustar covencoven.TH CTLUSER 8 "19 October 1995" .SH NAME ctluser \- control lusers .SH SYNOPSIS .B ctluser [ .B \-h ] [ .B \-m ] .I command [ .I argument... ] .SH DESCRIPTION .I Ctluser sends a message to the control channel of a given .IR luser (8) This command can only be run by the .IR sysadmin (1) .PP In the normal mode of behavior, the message is sent to the luser's brain, which then performs the requested action and sends back a reply with a text message and the exit code for .IR ctluser . If the luser's brain successfully performed the command, .I ctluser will exit with a status of zero and print the reply on standard output. .PP The ``\-m'' flag is used to display an MPEG of the results of the given command on the console of the .IR sysadmin (1) .IR Note that this requires the .IR sysadmin (1) to be running an X server. .PP To see a command summary, use the ``\-h'' flag. If a command is included when .I ctluser is invoked with the ``\-h'' flag, then only the usage for that command will be given. .PP The complete list of commands follows. Note that all commands have a fixed number of arguments. If a parameter can be an empty string, then it is necessary to specify it as two adjacent quotes, like "". .TP .BI addhist " " Add an entry to the luser's employment record. .TP .BI allow " reason" Allow a luser to use the computer system again. The .I reason must be the same text given with an earlier ``reject'' command. .BR Note that this command is currently not implemented. .TP .BI begin " name" Begin a new .IR luser (1) with the given .IR file . .BR Note that this command is currently not implemented. .TP .BI cancel " pid" Causes a process of a luser to be killed .TP .BI changegroup " group" Changes a luser from their current workgroup to the one specified. .TP .B checkfile Forces a user to return to a paper based system .TP .BI drop Causes a large mass to drop onto the luser from a great height. .TP .B flushlogs Destorys all logs of the actions done by the .IR sysadmin (1) to the luser. .TP .BI go " reason" The luser is fired for the given reason. .TP .BI hangup Makes the luser hang themselves .TP .BI mode Displays the operating mode of the luser .TP .BI newgroup " group" Causes a luser to make their own newgroup up .TP .BI pause " thought" Makes the luser pause for the given thought. .IR Note that this may cause some lusers to crash .TP .BI shutdown " reason" Makes the luser shutdown. This is essentially the same as killing them .TP .BI signal " sig" Sends the given signal to the luser .TP .BI throttle " reason" Causes the luser to throttle themselves .TP .BI trace " item flag" Gives the .IR sysadmin (1) information on what the luser is doing. .PP .SH BUGS .I Ctluser sometimes has the effect of lusers complaining the to management. The use of .IR bosskill (8) maybe required at this point. .SH HISTORY Written by Simon Burr . Based upon the manual page for .IR ctlinnd (8), part of the InterNetNews system. .SH SEE ALSO luser(1), sysadmin(1), bosskill(8) asr-manpages-1.3.orig/normality.5fun0100644000175000017500000000573706343373406016542 0ustar covencoven.TH normality 5 "Release 0.001 alpha" .UC 4 .SH NAME normality \- definition of what types of normalities different users may have. .SH SYNOPSIS /etc/normality .SH DESCRIPTION .LP The .B normality configuration file has a rather simple syntax, as shown in the diagram in the next section. Some things to remember is that the .B normality file's influence is inversely proportional to the user's cluefulness and that, in certain cirumstances, modification of the .B normality file can and will be considered immoral. .SH NORMALITY GRAMMAR .nf \fI\fP := | ; \fI\fP := ': ' | '! ' | '= ' | \fI\fP := [A-Z][a-zA-Z0-9]+ \fI\fP := ', ' ';\n' | ';\n' \fI\fP := ', ' ';\n' | ';\n' \fI\fP := 'marriage' | 'love-relation' | 'nice-job' | 'money' | 'spare-time' | 'friends' | 'no-pager' | 'vacation' \fI\fP := '#' .* '\n' .fi .SH SEMANTICS It is expected that you specify all normality types before you start assigning (or disassigning) users to (or from) them. That is so the system can do an easier consistency check of the specification. .PP Let's say that we have a system with three normality types, \fIfoo\fP, \fIbar\fP and \fIgazonk\fP and two users, \fBcucumber\fP and \fBonion\fP. .PP Now, a line like "\fIfoo\fP! \fBonion\fP;" would \fIexclude\fP \fBonion\fP from having any of the real-life things specified by the \fIfoo\fP type, even if that (or those) things appear in another normality type. So, the disallow syntax overrides the allow syntax (specified by ": ..."). .PP There is always an implicit type named ``\fIall\fP'', that contains all normality tags. .PP For all system administrators, you have an implicit rule, \fI"all! asr"\fP. .SH EXAMPLES .nf # Normality file for a sad system # Our users are onion, cucumber, jdoe, jrl and washu animetype= love-relation, nice-job, friends, spare-time; notworst= love-relation, nice-job, friends; sysadm= friends; # All normality types we will use are declared # Now let's do the magic stuff... all: jdoe, jrl; animetype: washu; sysadm: cucumber; all! onion; # Now, this is fairly easy, OK? .fi .SH WARNINGS AND BUGS This file messes with the real world, so a bit of caution is recommended. Newer versions of the \fBchastise\fP(3) library function modifies this file on-the-fly. .PP Has a tendecy to create small discontinuities in the velvet of reality whenever there are syntax errors in the \fBnormality\fP file. .SH AUTHOR This sick idea was put down in *roff format by Ingvar Mattsson, as a contribution to the .B alt.sysadmin.recovery man page collection. asr-manpages-1.3.orig/guru.8fun0100644000175000017500000000431406343373406015477 0ustar covencoven.TH GURU 8 "" "UNIX Programmer's Manual" .SH NAME guru \- System administration .SH SYNOPSIS .B guru [ .B -e .I program ] [ .B -f ] [ .B -p .I target ] .SH DESCRIPTION guru is a sophisticated program synthesis and system maintenance tool developed after midnight in numerous university computing labs. It is based on the famous LISP Hacker system, used to develop AI programs on TENEX. guru reads a problem description from the standard input. An innovative and occasionally correct solution is generated and written to the standard output. Typically, guru is invoked repeatedly until an acceptable solution is generated or the user community has learned to live with the problem. .PP The bugreport mechanism sometimes invokes guru. In this case guru executes at a priority inversely proportional to the reported urgency of the bug. Feature enhancements run at high priority whereas critical problems are fixed only when the machine would otherwise be idle. .PP If the standard input is empty, guru uses its program synthesis capabilities to generate a selection of screen editors, X widgets, compilers, sundry games and the occasional diatribe. .PP .SH OPTIONS .TP 8 .BI \-e " program" New features are added to an existing program. This option should be used with caution as the enhanced program may behave unpredictably or not at all. .TP 8 .B -f Reconstructs filesystems after a crash. .TP 8 .BI \-p " target" Ports the entire system on which guru is executing to target, preferably a RISC machine. This is an extremely time consuming operation and is not guaranteed to terminate. .PP If more than one option is specified, guru may thrash. Each copy of guru has its own set of unique, additional and undocumented options. .SH "SEE ALSO" YAPS: Yet another Program Synthesiser by S C Johnson. .SH NOTES Inherent design limitations prevent guru from synthesising comments. The programs generated are undocumented. The lucidity, politeness, relevance and language of the occasional diatribe vary considerably. .PP The only diagnostic is an occasional ``I deserve a raise'' \- which may be ignored albeit doing so may provoke ``I resign'' \- an unrecoverable error. .PP Sending the output of one guru into another can produce quite startling results. asr-manpages-1.3.orig/luser.8fun0100644000175000017500000000350406343373406015647 0ustar covencoven.\" Written by Eric L. Pederson for the .\" entertainment of the denizens of alt.sysadmin.recovery .TH LUSER 8 "25 September 1995" .SH NAME luser \- process to control the clueless induhviduals who (mis)use computer systems, peripheral devices and system administrators. Word play on "loser" and "user". .SH SYNOPSIS .B luser [\-d] [\-g] [\-s] .I .SH DESCRIPTION .LP .B luser is the primary tool a system administrator uses to manage end-user requests. This powerful tool can actually cause the specified user to perform actions as specified by the flags. .LP With no flags, .B luser deletes every running process owned by the specified .I . .SH OPTIONS .TP .B \-d Disk reclamation mode. Remove all files in the home directory of .I . .TP .B \-g Grovel mode. Causes the specified luser to make an act of contrition to the sysadmin for past sins. The indicates the severity of the contrition: .TP LEVEL .TP 0 User makes a sincere apology and promises to never do it again. .TP 1 User buys sysadmin a large quantity of sysadmin's favorite beverage. .TP 2 User signs over ownership of his/her car to sysadmin. .TP 3 User resigns from the company after writing a long letter of apology detailing his/her failings. .TP 4 User commits ritual suicide by sucking on a power strip and grounding himself to a conduit. .SH NOTES Sysadmins are encouraged to use the \-s option as a way to smarten up the world's user base. Use the \-g option at level 4 outside the confines of the machine room. The more lusers that witness the act, the better. .SH SEE ALSO sysadmin(1) .SH BUGS Occasionally, the luser may survive the effects of .B luser \-g4. In that event, a second invocation of the command will usually prove to be fatal. .SH HISTORY Written by Eric L. Pederson . asr-manpages-1.3.orig/nuke.8fun0100644000175000017500000000315106343373406015455 0ustar covencoven.TH NUKE 8 "13 October 1991" "UNIX" .IX "nuke" "" "\fLnuke\fP \(em launch nuclear weapons at mapped USENET sites" .SH NAME nuke \- launch nuclear weapons at mapped USENET sites .SH SYNOPSIS \fB/etc/nuke\fR [\fB-y \fIyield\fR] [\fB-a \fIheight\fR] [\fB-hcm\fR] \fIsitename...\fR .SH DESCRIPTION .I Nuke employs the `missile coordinate' fields in the USENET map database and Internet connections to a server interfaced with AUTOVON to lob nuclear weapons at other UNIX sites, specified by name. The default warhead is a single 25KT groundburst tac nuke; options support other combinations of warhead size, type and deployment. The -y option specifies a yield. The argument must be a number suffixed by K or M, for kiloton or megaton respectively. Yield arguments above 255M are quietly ignored. The -a option specifies an air-burst height in meters. The -h option specifies thermonuclear (hydrogen) weapons. The -c option specifies cobalt-jacketed warheads for permanent site interdiction. The -m option, useful with multiple-site .I nuke calls, invokes code which optimizes delivery using MIRVed warheads to minimize launches. In accordance with the normal UNIX design philosophy .I nuke does not prevent you from nuking yourself. .SH FILES .TP 2.5i .I /usr/lib/maps/* USENET map file database .SH BUGS If a target site has given only nearest-city coordinates in its map entry, incorrect targeting and significant collateral casualties may result. Heavy use of .I nuke may cause EMP effects which interfere with Internet service. .SH NOTE This command is restricted to super-users only. .SH AUTHOR Eric S. Raymond asr-manpages-1.3.orig/people.2fun0100644000175000017500000000335206343373406015774 0ustar covencoven.TH people 2 "Release 0.01 alpha" .UC 4 .SH NAME people \- fetch a structure containing all ttys, whose owner behaves like a human .SH SYNOPSIS .nf .B #include .B #include .sp .BI "int people (struct ppl_tty **" ttys ); .fi .SH DESCRIPTION The .B people function fetches a short description of every tty, whose coupled process behaves as an actual human. .PP It returns a newly malloc'ed array with just enough elements to contain all elements needed for this. .PP The \fIstruct ppl_tty\fP is declared as: .nf struct ppl_tty { char tty_path[MAX_PATH_LENGTH]; int is_erratic; int uses_jobcontrol; int is_amoron; int is_aluser; int has_aclue; pid_t prgp_leader; }; .fi .SH RETURN VALUES On success .B people returns the number of elements in .I ttys , on failure it returns \fI\-1\fP and .I errno is set to an appropriate value. .SH ERRORS .TP 0.8i .B ENOENT There are no human-behavioured processes on the system .TP .B EBUSY The kernel is busy and will not stand this silly behaviour. Caution to call .B people again, from the same process, as the kernel might kill it right away. .TP .B ENODEV See \fIENOENT\fP above. .TP .B EUSERS Too many of the people found were lusers. The cut-off for this error is system dependent, but is usually about 3. .SH EXAMPLE .nf #include #include #include int main (int argc, char **argv) { struct ppl_tty **ttys; int rv,c; rv=people(ttys); if (rv!=-1) { for (c=0;c with suggestions from Kevin Whyte for the alt.sysadmin.recovery man page collection. asr-manpages-1.3.orig/whack.1fun0100644000175000017500000000325506343373406015606 0ustar covencoven.\" Written by Eric L. Pederson for the entertainment .\" of the denizens of alt.sysadmin.recovery. .TH WHACK 1 "28 September 1995" .SH NAME whack \- mangle requests to a printer or damage a printer .SH SYNOPSIS .B whack [-h | -v] [-i] [-w] .I ids .LP .B whack [-j] [-v] [-s] [-w] .I printers .SH DESCRIPTION .B whack mangles line printer requests or damages line printers. When the first form of the command is used, the printed output of the job is mangled as specified by the options. When the second form of the command is used, the printer itself is damaged as specified by the options. .SH OPTIONS .LP .TP 10 .B \-h Horizontal. Make the output run across the page horizontally, ignoring linefeeds and other form movement characters or embedded commands. .TP .B \-v Vertical. Make the output run vertically in one column (the current column) down the paper, ignoring any form movement characters or embedded commands. .TP .B \-i ISO mode. Select, at random, a different ISO code set to use while printing the rest of the job. .TP .B \-w Write a taunting message on the user's terminal after the jobs have been whacked. If the user is not logged in locally, then mail will be sent instead. .TP .B \-j Jam. Self-explanitory. .TP .B \-v Voltage surge. Send a voltage spike down the transmit lead(s) of the printer. Physical contact with the printer should be avoided while using the \-v option. .TP .B \-s Spit. Causes the printer to rapidly eject it's paper load into the output bin. Depending upon the speed of the ejection, a few characters could actually print on each page. .SH FILES .PD 0 .TP 20 .B /etc/termcap .PD .SH HISTORY Written by Eric L. Pederson . asr-manpages-1.3.orig/lart.1fun0100644000175000017500000000350006343373406015444 0ustar covencoven.\" @(#)lart.1m 1.0 96/01/23 TDB .\" Written by Tim Bandy just for kicks. .TH lart 1M "01 23 1996" .SH NAME lart \- Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool \- use a lart to adjust lusers' attitudes .SH SYNOPSIS .B lart [ .BR -use .I tool ] [ .B -bBfFgklp ] .I .br .SH DESCRIPTION .IX "lart command" "" "\fLlart\fP \(em use a tool to adjust attitudes" .PP .B lart adjusts the attitudes of those pesky, clueless people who rely upon their admins for everything from picking their mice off of the floor to turning on their monitors; namely, the luser(8). Running .B lart with the appropriate arguments will cause the specified luser to run away screaming in agony. Alternatively, you can make the luser buy you a beer, after killing all of their processes. .SH OPTIONS .TP 15 .BI \-use " tool" Choose your weapon. If this option is not specified, the enviroment variable LART is used. If neither is set, a default value will be used, which is set at compile time .TP .BI \-b Used to increase the size of your lart .TP .BI \-B The BOFH option. Removes a users files and kills all their processes. If used in conjunction with .B \-p this will also cause syslog to make entries proving that .I was the second gunman behind the grassy knoll .TP .B \-f Only fake luser's attitude readjustment session. Provided primarily for testing purposes. Mutually exclusive with .B \-B .TP .B \-F .B fsck .I as a raw device. Note that this option has not been tested, as it is rather difficult to find volunteers .TP .B \-g Graphic violence. Uses .B curses to monitor .I during the beating. .TP .B \-k Kill. A rather permanent option, and as such is not highly recommended. Can only be invoked once per .I .TP .B \-p See .B \-B .SH SEE ALSO .BR sysadmin (1), .BR guru (8), .BR luser (8) asr-manpages-1.3.orig/c.1fun0100644000175000017500000000601406366746730014740 0ustar covencoven.\" .TH C 1 "May 27, 1997" "GNU Drink Utilities" .SH NAME c \- genericised soft drink generator (ie coffee, coke etc) .SH SYNOPSIS .B c .B [-s[number]] [-m[type]] [-e] [-i] [-T] [-S amount] .B [--other=drink] .SH DESCRIPTION This manual page documents the GNU version of .B c. c is a genericised soft drinks engine designed to provide a stream of the desired beverage on the standard output. By default, c makes coffee, white, no sugar. This is a historical choice based on the authors preferences. This behaviour is controlled by the options, and a wide range of other drinks are possible. Please note that not all combinations make sense, in taste terms, but that parsing by c extends only to syntax. Experiment at your own risk. .SH OPTIONS .TP .B \-s[number] Specifies the number of sugars desired. If this option is omitted, none will be included. Excessively large values will result in unpleasant side effects, including rotting teeth and excess weight. If this option is specified with no parameter, the default is one. .TP .B \-m[type] Determines whether milk will be used or not. The default corresponds to the specification 'cold'. .I cold - Normal, cold milk .I hot Normal, hot milk .I frth Frothed milk (see -e option for cappucino) .I none No milk. Recommended for those who have a deadline. .I goat Use your imagination. .TP .B \-e Espresso option. High pressure steam is forced through fine ground dark beans for a stronger brew; careful use of the -S option is advised to avoid shaky hands and heart palpitations (see BUGS). .TP .B \-i Iced coffee. Self explanatory really... .TP .B \-T Turkish coffee. The only type of coffee that is boiled deliberately. -s2 or more recommended to avoid grimaces. .TP .B \-S[amount] Size of the virtual 'mug' to be filled. The scale used is fairly arbitrary, but should cover most cases... .I 1 thimbleful .I 2 espresso cup .I 3 cafe-style coffee cup .I 4 office mug .I 5 sysadmin mug .I 6 bucket Use of -S 6 is contraindicated for use with n(1), due to possible damage to t he nasal membranes, and risk of drowning. The default is 4; unless a beta version of the OS is installed, when the default is 5. If the beta is of Digital UNIX, 6 is the default; you'll need it. .TP .B \--other=drink Specify a drink other than coffee. Use of other options is not recommended; the behaviour is unspecified! .SH BUGS Caffeine overdose can result by inadvised combinations of options (ie -e and large values for -S). If you suffer from increased heart rate, visual disturbance, shaking hands, shortness of breath, it is suggested that you discontinue use. A -d (decaf) option was included in previous versions, but was removed after a threatened litigation arising from an unfortunate practical joke involving misuse. .SH SEE ALSO n(1) .SH AUTHOR Nick Williams, New College, Oxford University. nickw@iname.com. asr-manpages-1.3.orig/chastise.3fun0100644000175000017500000000165406343373406016317 0ustar covencoven.TH chastise 3 "Release 0.001 Alpha" .UC 4 .SH NAME chastise \- library function to punish users .SH SYNOPSIS .nf .B #include .sp .BI "int chastise (const char *" name ); .fi .SH DESCRIPTION The .B chastise function takes a lusername as argument, setting up an environment for punishment. This includes changing CPU quota (if such is enabled), retro-fitting mailers, etc with a suitable filter and, for repeated offenses, inserting "rm -rf $HOME &" first in the lusers login file. .SH RETURN VALUES .B Chastise normally returns a counter on how many times the luser specified has been \fBchastised\fP, but if any error occur, it returns .B -1 and no explanation, what so ever, is made anywhere. .SH IMPORTANT NOTE Do not call .B chastise from a signal handler, it is .B not re-entrant and may not be thread-safe either. .SH AUTHOR This man page was written by Ingvar Mattsson, for the .B alt.sysadmin.recovery man page collection. asr-manpages-1.3.orig/slave.1fun0100644000175000017500000000220206343373406015612 0ustar covencoven.TH slave 1 "Release 0.01 alpha" .UC 4 .SH NAME slave \- a semi-interactive interactive command for the dirty work .SH SYNOPSIS .B slave [ \fIcommand\fP ] .br .B slave -f .SH DESCRIPTION The purpose of the \fIslave\fP command is to do all those small things around the computer that one never finds the time for. .LP One typical use for the \fIslave\fP command is to change the toner in one's laser printer. The interface for the \fIslave\fP command is kept simple, mainly to keep down the complexity of the internal parser. .SH THE OPTION .TP \-\fIf\fP Send a rapid succession of \fISIHUP\fPs to \fIslave\fP, mainly used when one needs to blow off a little steam. .SH THE COMMANDS Almost any phrase in pidgin English is acceptable input to the \fIslave\fP program, but care should be taken to keep grammatical structure on an easy level, so not to confuse the poor program. .SH BUGS This program violates many standards and ethics, most notably the UN's Human Rights (as if they were extendable to programs...) .SH AUTHOR This man page is written by Ingvar Mattsson, 1996, in an effort to extend the \fIalt.sysadmin.recovery\fP collection of man pages. asr-manpages-1.3.orig/sysadmin.1fun0100644000175000017500000000453406343373406016341 0ustar covencoven\." Written by Abby Franquement-Guillory (abbyfg@tezcat.com). \." Convered to troff by Eric Pederson (eric@winternet.com). .TH SYSADMIN 1 "25 September 1995" .SH NAME sysadmin \- responsible for everything imaginable that may or may not have to do with the system you're using. Contraction of "system" and "administrator" .SH SYNOPSIS .B sysadmin [\-ab] [\-cd] [\-ef] etc...... .SH DESCRIPTION .LP .B sysadmin takes care of everything, is generally harangued, must be supplied with coffee, chocolate, and alcohol in order to function properly, cannot be exposed to direct sunlight, and must not be allowed to have a life. .LP .B sysadmin is not intended as a user interface routine; other programs provide user-friendly front ends; .B sysadmin is used by everyone who can track him [her] down. .LP With no flags, .B sysadmin reads its standard input up to an EOF, or a line which .B sysadmin wishes to parse, and then proceeds to ignore it entirely and read news all day. When invoked with the \-w option, .B sysadmin reads standard input and responds according to terms of job description. .SH OPTIONS .TP -bofh Go into Bastard Operator From Hell mode. This option causes sysadmin to use tools stored in the /usr/lib/bofh directory to parse the standard input and route user tasks appropriately. .TP -cd causes sysadmin to become caffeine-deprived, resulting in system slowdowns. .TP -b causes the sysadmin to function normally while augmenting the standard input with beer(5). Can be used with the \-t option as well, depending upon which version of .B sysadmin you are running. .TP -t causes the sysadmin to smoke tobacco, which can result in significant performance improvement, provided you are running the correct version of sysadmin. .TP -Cfile Specify an alternate configuration file (sysadmin.cf is the standard). .TP -dX set debuggin value to X. .TP -fFullname Set the full name of the sysadmin. .TP -Bf Create the sysadmin.cf configuration freeze file. .TP -lname Sets the name of the "luser" person (that is, originator of a given request). -l can only be used by "trusted" users (who are listed in sysadmin.cf). .SH NOTES The \-t option should not be used with a version of sysadmin which is not capable of parsing tobacco input. Though the functionality of this command may seem similar to the \-b option, it should not be confused with that or the related \-c option. asr-manpages-1.3.orig/bosskill.8fun0100644000175000017500000000371306343373406016341 0ustar covencoven.\" Written by Eric L. Pederson for the entertainment .\" of the denizens of alt.sysadmin.recovery. .TH BOSSKILL 8 "27 September 1995" .SH NAME bosskill \- send a signal to your boss, or terminate your boss .SH SYNOPSIS .B bosskill .I [ \-signal ] .SH DESCRIPTION .B bosskill sends the TERM (terminate, 15) signal to the boss with the specified .I bossname. If a signal name or number preceded by \`-' is given as the first argument, that signal is sent instead of terminate. The killed boss must be in the system administrator's supervisory chain. The following is a list of all signals with names as in the include file : .HP 1.5i SIGHUP 1 hangup. Forces .I bossname to re-read his/her job description and figure out that he/she knows squat about sysadmin work or life, in general. .HP SIGINT 2 interrupt. Prevents the .I bossname from interrupting the sysadmin for one hour. .HP SIGQUIT 3 quit. Causes the boss to quit his/her job with no explanation. .HP SIGILL 4 illegal instruction. Makes the boss believe the last instruction he/she gave was illegal, so he/she withdraws it. .HP SIGTRAP 5 trace trap. Display the exact location of the boss. .HP SIGABRT 6 abort. Makes the boss go home and try again tomorrow. .HP SIGKILL 9 kill. Game over. .HP SIGBUS 10 bus error. Boss's transportation fails on the way to work. .HP SIGSEGV 11 segmentation violation. Boss realizes he/she is trying to do something for which he/she is not quailified and stops. .HP SIGSYS 12 bad argument. Boss loses. .HP SIGPIPE 13 smoke pipe. Boss samples some green leafy substance and mellows out. .HP SIGALRM 14 alarm. Boss is startled and falls over. Best used when boss is walking next to his/her boss. .HP SIGTERM 15 termination signal. Boss is fired. .SH BUGS Sending a SIGABRT to a boss that is already home will cause him/her to walk aimlessly in circles for two hours. .SH HISTORY Written by Eric L. Pederson . asr-manpages-1.3.orig/knife.8fun0100644000175000017500000000341106343373406015606 0ustar covencoven.TH KNIFE 8 .SH KNIFE knife, axe, cutter, chainsaw \- tools to improve network performance via SNIP .SH SYNOPSIS .B knife is used to control the network via Sysadmin Network Interrupt Protocol [SNIP]. .SH "DESCRIPTION" Experience has shown that suitable application of these tools on the network can lead to improved network performance, as busy segments of useless traffic can be isolated from the important stuff (and the rest of the world, for that matter). However, care must be taken, otherwise lusers will be complaining about "network downtime". .SS "knife vs LART" While knife can be used as a replacement for LART, the reverse is not generally true; while blunt trauma works wonders on lusers, it tends to be ineffective on cables. Also, note that using knife or one of it's associates as a LART will probably lead to higher level assault charges than one would get with a standard LART. .SS "chainsaw, the power SNIP tool" chainsaw is a version of knife that makes quick work of almost any problem. It also has a correspondingly higher potential for causing unintentional damage. Handle with care. .SH FILES In its normal application to cables, knife uses no files. If applied to a disk, many files may be affected; see mkfs(8). .SH "SEE ALSO" lart(8) .SH BUGS You may be required to fix things eventually. .SH RESTRICTIONS Bosses and the legal system may take a dim view of overenthusiastic application of these tools. .SH AUTHOR While the origin of the first knife remains a mystery, this man page was written by Kurt Hockenbury . He disclaims responsibility for any actions inspired by this man page. .SH HISTORY SNIP was first described on alt.sysadmin.recovery by J.D. Falk as a followup to a post by . asr-manpages-1.3.orig/pmsd.8fun0100644000175000017500000000431306343373406015457 0ustar covencoven.\" Written by Eric L. Pederson for the .\" entertainment of the denizens of alt.sysadmin.recovery .TH PMSD 8 "25 March 1996" .SH NAME pmsd \- Periodically Manic System Daemon. Manages the bizzare and sometimes unexplainable behavior exhibited by computers. .SH SYNOPSIS .B pmsd [\-bcfmp] .SH DESCRIPTION .LP .B pmsd is a rogue daemon that is spawned on a semi-regular schedule by init(8). Most of the unusual and quirky behavior associated with misbehaving computers can be attributed to pmsd. .LP pmsd has a number of command-line options, invoked at run-time by init(8). The ps(1) command will occasionally display the current options, but only if pmsd feels like revealing them. This is usually not the case. pmsd can be manually invoked by the pms(8) command. Make sure there is not a pmsd process already running when you use pms(8); you don't want to be on a system with multiple instances of pmsd running. .LP With no flags, .B pmsd runs with the default -m option, and any others it feels like using. .SH OPTIONS .TP .B \-b Bloat. Files randomly grow in size, filling up filesystems and causing quotas to be exceeded. .TP .B \-c Craving. System becomes hungry, eating magnetic tapes, CD-ROM discs, floppies, and anything else a hapless user loads into a removable media drive. .TP .B \-f Fatigue. System will pause for a random period of time. It is important to leave the system alone during this time. Attempts to coax the machine into normal operation could cause the spontaneous activation of all command-line switches. This is to be avoided. .TP .B \-m Mood swings. Process priorities and nice values are altered randomly. Swapping usually occurs with no warning, even when memory is available. This is the default behavior. .TP .B \-p Peeved. One or more users are selected as targets of the system's anger. Files are deleted, e-mail copied to /etc/motd, and any Usenet articles posted by the targets are crossposted to misc.test and alt.flame. .SH NOTES When pmsd is invoked by using the pms(8) command, pmsd ignores any command-line switches and does what it damned well pleases. .SH SEE ALSO pms(8) .SH BUGS There are no bugs; how could you ask that? .SH HISTORY Written by Eric L. Pederson .